Maybe you know this situation: I walk through life and the universe and on principle: I am in a good mood. I love life and the great world I am part of.
And then somebody comes up to you and states: Not everything in life is fun and enjoyable. There are some really bad things going on and a lot people really do suffer. So what are you so happy about? Do you have no respect for the depressed, the lonely, the hurt people of this world? Your good mood and being happy without a reason is totally out of place!
So I thought about that and came up with these questions of my own (and some answers to them).
Is everything that happens fun and enjoyable? My answer is: definitely not.
Is there something to be learned from each experience? My answer is: definitely yes.
Do you have a choice in each and every given situation? Lets look at it first and deal with the answer to this one later.
So lets face some of the grim experiences that a human being might encounter in our universe.
There are so many options … physical or mental violence, illness, accidents, loss of job, love, pet, dear one to name a few.
I am not willing to deal with all of them at once, so I pick just one, and I don’t know, if you are aware of this fact, yet: once you deal with one of them, you are well equipped to deal with all of them – its the other-than-conscious part of your mind that helps you out with this one.
You go first! That’s an important motto of mine, so I pick a topic, I had to deal with recently.
Some days back I was happily reading my timeline on facebook, when a status update caught my eye. Well, to be more precise: I stopped breathing and went in shock. A person very dear to me, had passed away suddenly and unexpectedly.
You have to know that I relate to people very easily and grow strong bonds in a short time. That feels very good a lot of the time and really bad some of the time.
So there I was with my grief. And since I like a scientific approach to things, lets look at this closely. Grief is just a word and the only thing I am sure about is that it means something quite differently for all of us. OK, I know something else: grief is a nominalization that is to say a noun describing a process.
And this process is, what I want to examine today. I could ask: How do you do grief?
Oh, that’s another thing I know: you start with pictures or text, then you start the feeling part. I don’t know about you, but most people I meet simply talk about their feelings (especially, if they are really bad ones).
Back to my story. Now what I did at first was: I asked myself internally: „This can’t be real, can it?“ and at the same moment I knew: it is real. So I started talking to myself in a sad voice, telling me things like: „What a loss!“ „What a shame!“ „Why, him?“ and I saw him laying in a coffin in a funeral home. During this process I changed my body posture, I dropped my head, my shoulders came forward … and, yes, I was feeling really miserable.
You probably don’t know this, but that was not the first loved one I lost. So one thing I know from past experience is: this bad feeling does not last for ever. There comes a moment, when I do feel differently. I could say: Life goes on.
Maybe you have already realized it: As soon as you have started thinking about any given situation like that, you already feel a whole lot different.
OK, I am at an advantage here, since as NLPer I know that I produce my internal dialogue and the pictures I use to represent reality in my mind myself. So I also know that I can change these pictures, the voices and sounds in my head. I even can change the feelings themselves, by localizing where they start and where they move to and then changing their speed and direction of movement.
So I started telling me different things, remembered the good times we passed together, the many things I learned from him, the inspiration I received from our contact.
I changed the pictures, looked at us smiling and laughing together, I remember all the good times we spent together.
And then you have noticed it: you feel differently.
Am I sad about him not being around? Yes and that’s a good thing, because I lost a person dear to me and that’s no fun thing.
Do I stay long in this feeling? No, I value myself, this person and life in general, so I keep focusing on the good memories I have and take this person as one reason more to strengthen my efforts in supporting others and contributing to make our wonderful world an even better place.
You go first! The first step in such an endeavor starts always with me. Yes, I shed tears and then I shift my attention to the future and know that with every step forward I take, I carry on the work of my dear friend.
So by continuing and intensifying my work, I keep him alive as well. Carrying on the torch is an important part of life for all of us, who are striving towards making the world an even better place for all of us.
Yes, shit happens. And it doesn’t go away by only giving another name to it.
Yes, you always have the opportunity to choose between different options.
Yes, your choices determine the quality of your life.
I actively change the way, I deal with bad stuff.
I have taken responsibility for myself, my thoughts, my feelings, my actions, my life.
And so I live happily, being emotionally successful.
And to finally answer the open question of “What do I learn from such an experience?”: I live my life fully, I do the things, I want to do. I have my goals clear and know in which direction I’m going. Each and every day.
PS: Be prepared for the English edition of „be wonderful! Being emotionally successful with applied NLP!“
And now the time has come! Here you find it on amazon.com: