Disappointment Requires Adequate Planning
Were you ever disappointed? Did you ever feel disappointed?
I hated it.
Being disappointed felt bad and the results of this feeling were disappointing again.
I hated this feeling of being at the mercy of bad emotions and I hated the people, who were responsible for it.
Because there was always somebody to blame. Some person, some institution, some situation.
I hated it and at the same time, I couldn’t really do much about it, since it was the others’ fault, they had to change their behavior, they had to change their ways, they had to change themselves … in order for me to feel better.
I got fed up with this – don’ you?
Is there anything you can do, to avoid disappointment and the bad feelings that used to accompany it?
Have you put this question to yourself, yet?
Well, let’s take a minute and take a closer look at disappointment.
What is disappointment? What does it stand for?
When I first heard Richard Bandler, co-creator and developer of NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming) say: „Disappointment requires adequate planning.“ This didn’t make any sense to me.
Seriously, who would willingly plan for being disappointed?
My own desire to test some new behavior, my longing for the sensation of: You feel better and better, drove me to learning, applying and now teaching NLP.
I love the easy and sometime surprising ways, NLP offers me to feel better, to get better results in all areas of life, be it writing, coaching, relationships, business and personal life.
All this inspired me to take an intense look at Richard Bandler’s view of disappointment.
How did you do disappointment?
Something happens, somebody does, says or write something – this may be another person, an institution, an entity, or … you.
And the result of this is not agreeable for you, maybe even disadvantageous or harmful in your perception.
And this is not agreeable for you, maybe even disadvantageous or harmful in your perception, because you expected a specific result and didn’t get it and use this as an occasion, as an excuse to feel bad. Because, if you didn’t feel bad, it wouldn’t be a disappointment, would it?
Maybe now is the perfect moment to remind you on something I discussed earlier on with respect to the feedback you receive.
Just a quick take on that one here: You do something in a certain way and receive a feedback. What ever kind of feedback you receive, it gives you basically one answer: Did what you did work for you, or didn’t it work for you? Did you get the result, you were aiming for, or didn’t you? Did you move in the direction, you want your life to live in, or didn’t you?
So you are learning, you know more, than you did know before this experience – which is a good thing, I’m sure you agree.
Yes, it is a very good idea to accept and use this experience for your further planning and doing.
When you do the same thing, you can expect the same result over and over again, which is good, when you get the result you want.
When ever you want a different result, you have to change your behavior, your approach, your strategies.
So, what has all this talk about feedback have to do with being disappointed?
Well, if you ignore the fact that you are learning constantly, you are getting better on all levels each and every day, then you opened up to disappointed. To really feel disappointed, you have to ignore the lessons you learn and do the same stupid stuff over and over again.
Let me put it another way: On the basis of the information you took in with all your senses, your experiences and the events you lived through you have formed and developed a certain representation of the objective world you live in.
Living and writing the wonderful way, being emotionally successful, means that you use the feedback you get, to evaluate your own perceptions of reality, your representation of the objective world and … to adjust it accordingly.
As soon as you live this way, there’s no room and no need for disappointment. If you should receive a feedback, you don’t like, you change your behavior, your thoughts and so your feelings – you live and learn … and move on, towards your loftiest goals, towards your personal success story.
And you are grateful for all experiences and the person, you have them with, because they give you never-ending opportunities to grow.
That’s why „Disappointment requires adequate planning.“ Feeling disappointed never was an inevitable feeling, it was a choice you made. And I’m sure, you agree: you feel much better, since you treat your experiences as what they are: step-stones on the way to your wonderful life.
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