When you are writing and do publish what you write, you are bound to receive reviews, comments and other feedback.
And this is also true, if you don’t receive written or spoken reviews and comments.
Actually, living and writing is a pretty simple process: You think about something, then you feel something and then you put your thoughts and feelings into action – and then you receive feedback.
Now, I do know from my own experience and from the conversations, I have with fellow writers and bloggers, that reviews and comments are a very important part of writing.
I could say here: This applies to whatever you do.
Everybody loves this moment, when you receive enthusiastic, fantastic, constructive and positive reviews and comments.
Today I won’t talk about these moments – well maybe I will – later on.
Today I’ll talk about how to deal with reviews and comments that you perceive as negative.
Do you know what I mean? Have you experienced this gut wrenching feeling that follows a really bad, a negative review, a criticizing comment?
I hate it. There’s no other way to put. I don’t like it at all.
I know, shit happens – and to me, this falls into this category.
And I had it happen to me.
The worst ones are those, where somebody tries to be nice … „I appreciate your effort, BUT …“ „I understand what you tried to accomplish, BUT …
The important question here is: „What are you going to do about it?“ „How long do you want to feel bad about it?“ Yes, I really mean that: „How long do you want to feel bad about it?“
While there may still be people out there, who think somebody else is responsible for their feeling, who believe that somebody or something else than themselves makes their feelings, I have a question for you.
Well, to be precise, I have two questions for you:
Where in the world is this feeling?
And do you remember any feeling that lasted for ever, without changing?
I’m a big fan of modeling Modelling is a tool I learned in NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming). Modelling is easy. All you have to do is to find a person, who excels at something, you want to be good at.
I could say: Most of the times this person is you – in another context, in another setting.
Then you find out, HOW he, she or you does it and start applying this behavior, this strategy in the context, the setting, you want to achieve different results in.
I think now is the time to tell you that I won’t discuss whether the review, the comment, perceived as negative, is just or not, if it really is negative, or not, if its fair or not. I’m not interested in that.
What I do – with and for myself, with and for the readers of my blog posts and books, with the people who find me as a book or writing coach – is: I look at HOW you do it.
One great question I’m inserting here is: If you do exact the same thing in the same way, you have done it before, do you still expect a different result?
Success works this way: You do something and get a feedback. You evaluate the feedback: Did I get the result I wanted? Do I like to get this result again? If the answer is YES! You continue doing it, if the answer is NO! You change something.
I have already offered you many tools to change your perception of things, to change your thoughts and thereby your feelings about things, persons, experiences in order to live and write the wonderful way.
Life is not about judging any human being. You are not here to judge yourself or others, you are here to feel good, to treat yourself and others in a positive and productive way.
And the moment you stopped to judge others, is a moment that leads you right back to the reviews and comments you receive.
What’s true for you, is true for all the other human beings as well: the person writing a review or a comment, writes about himself, about herself. Yes, they use your text, your book, your blog post to start their own thoughts, and then they use their own, personal experiences, beliefs and convictions to create an „answer“ to your writing.
This is a fantastic thing in many ways.
This gives you the opportunity to enlarge your own world, by having a look at somebody else’s perception of the world.
Since you know that any feedback you get is a result of your communication and an expression of another person’s view of the world, you have started to use these reviews and comments as an opportunity to optimize your own output.
Once you accepted responsibility for your own thoughts, feelings and actions, you are in the driver’s seat of your own life and apply whatever suits you best to change your thoughts, then your feelings and then your action.
Your flexibility, mixed with your creativity and determination guarantees your success. And only you decide what success means for you. I personally love to cherish the moment.
So what are the possibilities you find in any review?
You use a different perspective to enlarge your view of the world.
You get more focused on your target group.
You optimize your own output.
You grow professionally and personally.
You stay focused on what you want and stay flexible, open for all the surprising opportunities that come your way.
Find many tools to change your thoughts, feelings and actions in be wonderful! How to Be Emotionally Successful with Applied NLP